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Relationships Encrypted!

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Different people have different ideas about love and relationships. It's all right. In fact, is all alright. Here I am sharing some thoughts that I have gathered from the different relationships that I have seen around me.

Relationships thrive on an underlying friendliness and love. It differs as we move from familial relationships to friends to colleagues to life-partners. I have listened to many stories and the ones that touched me the most had a sense of maturity, respectful communication, unshakable trust, intimacy and an air of humor.

This post has the following:

Decoding a Marriage

I feel that marriage is a state of mind. A feeling of belonging, not to a person but to a relationship. A togetherness that feels natural, real and like home. It is about being together, growing together, and even living together. There's no secrecy, no fears and no doubts.

It's got to be a confident choice between two people who have found love in their own space. A coming together of two independent people and finding greater stability. They know their equality and enjoy the reciprocity of their love. They honor and celebrate each other's differences. Their appreciation of each other is mutual.

Sometimes you have to dissect a marriage to understand the nuances of its weave. I often see a woman who wants commitment and a man who wants freedom. At times it is the other way round.

Either way it looks like seemingly contradictory desires brought them together. It is a codependent situation where one loses their stability without the other. Where is the balance in this? What is commitment and what is freedom?

I often find that the need for commitment comes from a place of insecurities and uncertainty. It is like a promise that you give another and a promise you expect from the other in order to feel sure and secure in the relationship.

In fact, a wedding ceremony as well as a marriage registration have become ways to ensure this commitment, rather than a joyful coming together of two souls who have chosen to explore life with each other.

But if you are in a relationship

because you like the way it is going,

because it feels good to be with the other person,

because you like their presence,

because you like the togetherness,

because you like doing the daily chores together,

because you have a blast together despite your differences,

because you are inspired by your varied paths,

because there is a harmony between the two of you,

because you understand each other deeply,

because you have each other's back,

because you grow with each other everyday and discover new facets in each other,

because you can be yourself and the other person can be themselves,

because you do not have to change yourself, adjust or compromise to keep others happy,

because you are cheerleaders to each other,

because you honour and value each other

because you enjoy intimacy at the physical, sexual, emotional and spiritual levels,

because you revel in each other's successes and joy,

because you have found the ease of live-and-let-live,

because you are comfortable in your skin in their presence and their absence,

because you know that your partner is true to you,

then you are in a committed relationship that offers freedom.

A true relationship as far as I envisage feels effortless. It feels genuine and feels real. It is fun and feels lighthearted not because of the other person, but because you have found these in yourself, and your partner is reflecting these.

An Evolving Perfection

A perfect relationship is not between two perfect people, but between two people who are willing to see the best in the other, ready to give the best to the other, staying in their own stability when the other goes through an unsteadiness and sure of their bonding irrespective of what happens around them.

It's not an easy choice but it's the best way to take responsibility for your own emotions and to stay tuned to your innate happiness. A perfect relationship is not defined by a checklist of actions but by the quality and the depth of satisfaction one feels in it.

A happy heart requires very little outside of it, and has plenty of satisfaction with everything around it. It is a constant and conscious process to remain happy, because we are dynamic beings living in the midst of billions of dynamic people who are unique and different in their own way.

Is it Love or Lust?

Although sex is a significant part of a lasting relationship, true intimacy frightens many. Many people mistake lust and sexual attraction for love. Sexual desires and lust are innocent needs of the body. But you have to be a conscious participant and understand the emotional aspect.

Sexual union is a deeply emotional act that brings underlying emotions to the surface. A comfortable level of intelligent empathy and compassion are required to manage the surfacing emotions. Likewise, when your body resists intimacy, it means emotional blocks are present.

Only when the heart opens up between sexual partners can there be the truest sense of love, trust and safety. Loving sexuality integrates all levels of your being and is a beautiful bridge between the cosmic and human world.

Your Personal Formula

To find your personal equation of happiness you have to leave everyone out of this equation, including your partner. Genuine happiness is your agreement with your thoughts and not needing approval. Real happiness comes when you can accept the differences that you see around you and know that they too are finding their happiness somehow.

There really is no single formula for happiness, if you are happy, you are happy. There is no denying of your joy, if you are feeling it. You don't need another to gauge the contentment of your life. You really don't need another to fill your cup constantly. You don't need another to feather your nest. You don't need to please people. You don't need to compensate for fear of displeasing another. You don't need someone to validate your happiness quotient. These are your personal choices.

Have the courage to let your heart break and let the sweet waters of love heal you. 'Anahata', as the heart chakra is called in Sanskrit, means “that which is unstuck”. The true nature of our heart is love, and a relationship built upon a fertile bed of love yields a stable future and lasting memories.

Pivoting Negativity

Does it mean that there is no anger, fear, anxieties or sadness in a relationship? Of course there are! A wholesome relationship is a mixed bag of experiences, expressions and emotions. There is no pretense.

It is your return to the love within you every single time that makes the difference. Preferably before the day ends. You do not need the other person to return to your love. It is an inside job.

The longer you linger in your displeasure and animosity, the more you are making your relationship bitter and remorseful. As you repeat patterns of negative reactions, an unseen downward shift is activated.

You may choose to consciously step back and to not respond. When you do not react, you become aware of your inner impulses and conflicts. Relax and soften your viewpoints to see the situation in a different light. Every time you choose love and feel it in your heart, you are connecting the missing link.

You have come one step closer to your heart and unveiled another layer of endless love within. You only need to choose a loving thought that comforts and soothes you. You only need to think of something that makes you happy.

Your brain does not distinguish between the real and imagined. So allow your imaginations to restore the best possible situations, just the way you want it, however different the scenario is. Let the ease and peace that you feel within be your dedication to your togetherness.

There is no place for ego in a relationship. The coping strategies that we put in place to bypass uncomfortable and unbearable situations eventually build up as an ego barrier. There is an inner strength that bubbles from your vulnerability, beyond embarrassments and helplessness.

Trust your own wisdom and leave the situation to unfold naturally. There is immense hope in surrendering to life. Your faith in the unseen power can turn around circumstances favorably.

And yes, it takes two to tango. Even when you put 100% heart work in your relationship, it makes 50% in your relationship. The other 50% comes from the other person who has to meet you halfway. Either you need patience to watch it unfold steadily over a period of time or you need courage to walk away with appreciation when the other party does not respond favorably..

Wrap up

The path to lasting happiness lies in your ability and willingness to love yourself and be your own cheerleader, no matter what. It takes some serious introspection and conscious contemplation to know your needs and the means to satisfy them. This single equation is the basis for all relationships including romantic relationships.

Living in the courage of your love stretches your heart to be kinder and compassionate to oneself. There is genuineness in vulnerability and there is strength in gentle love.

To love another unconditionally, you must have a surplus within you. Perhaps an unending well of love within you. If you have found this, then you have decoded the secret to lasting and joyful relationships, committed and free!

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